


More than I can say

by Satine86



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: 5+1, F/F, Happy Ending, Mentions of canon character death, Pining, Romance, my attempt at filling in the blanks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 17:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8023432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satine86/pseuds/Satine86
Summary: 5 times Allura almost said 'I love you', and 1 time she did.





	More than I can say

**Author's Note:**

> So I guess this has very mild spoilers up to episode 58? But that mainly just pertains to things Allura said about her past, and some background stuff that I ran with?

1.

Since joining the group, Allura had realized several things. One was that she was far stronger than she had ever known. It took a certain sort to travel with her compatriots, and she was surprised to realize she fit in well. And two, she still did not know what to make of their resident Halfling. 

Kima was many things, and Allura was never quite certain where she stood with her. They were friendly enough, Allura had seen to that. Her own curiosity getting the better of her. Yet there were times when Kima would grow quiet, almost surly, and Allura was certain she had somehow offended her. That thought always seemed to upset her. 

The inn they were lodging at was quiet, most everyone having bedded down the night. Though Allura and Drake remained, learning spells and discussing new methods. She was vaguely aware of the fact Kima was still up. Though she was sunken low in her chair, the top of her head barely visible over the top of the table. Allura might almost call it cute, if she were of the mind. 

Eventually though Drake took his leave with a jaw-cracking yawn, leaving Allura with the parchments and spells strewn across the table. 

The silence of the room was almost too much to bear, and Allura was now keenly aware of Kima's presence. In truth she always was. 

“You should get some rest as well, Kima,” she says after a while, glancing across the table. 

Kima seemed taken aback by the sudden words, and nearly toppled out of her chair. Though she quickly righted herself, sitting up to her full height and brandishing her mug of ale in a salute. 

“Just finishing up,” she said with a nod before draining the contents. 

Allura tried not to watch as Kima placed her mug on the table, and slid out of her chair. She pretended to be busy with her notes while Kima skirted around the table and chairs. Though she did pause by Allura's side. 

“Don't work too hard, Allie.” Her voice was calm, relaxed in that way Allura often admired, but her words came as a shock.

Her head snapped up, and Allura gazed at Kima with wide eyes. “What did you call me?” 

For the first time in their acquaintance Kima looked nervous, shifting her weight from foot to foot. Allura wondered if she might blush, it was difficult to tell in the fading light of the fire. Allura knew her own face was hot though, certain the blush was creeping across her cheeks, her neck, and chest. 

“I, uh, I called you 'Allie.'” She seemed to regain her natural bravado, planted her feet and crossed her arms. Once again seeming at ease. “Surely you've been called that before?” 

“I can't say that I have, no.” Allura continued to watch her, then shook her head to clear it. 

“Oh.” Kima looked down, rubbed her nose and looked almost shy. Something in Allura's chest constricted. “Should I… should I not call you that then?” 

“No!” Allura burst out, then felt her blush renew itself, her face burning. She pressed her lips together, took a deep breath and prayed that Kima would not notice. “It's fine, you may call me that if you wish. In fact I think I quite like it.” 

Kima smiled at that, a crooked thing that made her eyes shine. “All right,” she nodded. “Allie it is.” She turned, heading for the stairs leading to her room, and waved over her shoulder. “Goodnight, Allie!” 

“Goodnight Kima. I--” Allura caught herself, what had she been about to say? I'm infatuated with you? I might love you? One kindness, one moment and Allura was casting her heart aside like some foolish maid? “I hope you sleep well,” she managed to say instead. 

Allura spent the rest of the night dissecting her feelings and cursing herself a fool. 

 

2.

 

Things were in chaos, and Allura wasn't entirely certain what to do. Sadly none of them were certain. The one thing she was certain of was the fact they had to do _something_. She had locked herself up in her room, hoping to find an answer.. or perhaps a sign. She was unsurprised when Kima came looking for her after the sun had gone down. 

“Allie?” she called, voice soft. 

“I'm here, come in.” Allura remained at her desk, but turned to watch Kima slip inside and shut the door gently. Once she had been so confused by the Halfling, so uncertain. Now they were friends, and Allura found she trusted Kima more than anyone. 

Kima was not as cool as Allura had once thought, as others still thought. She was shy, quiet, watching those around her. For all her brashness, she possessed the kindest heart. Wanting nothing more than to protect her friends. 

She crossed the room to Allura's side, rested a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. “How are you holding up?” 

“Well enough, I suppose.” Allura lifted her hand, placed it over Kima's. “And you?” 

Kima grinned, full of bravado. “You know me, I'm always ready for a fight.” 

That brought an answering smile to Allura's face, though it soon faded as her mind went back to the task before them. “Are we fools?” 

“Of course we are.” Kima shrugged. “But if not us, who else? Drake said--”

“I know. And I know Dohla and Sirus are reading up all they can, preparing as best they can. But it's a dragon.” 

Kima sighed, nodded slowly and squeezed Allura's shoulder again. “It is a dragon.” 

Suddenly feeling restless, Allura rose from her seat and paced around the room twice before settling on her bed, shoulders slumping. Kima was there in an instance, settling herself on the bed beside her. 

“I worry, about all of this.” Allura sighed and inched her pinky finger toward Kima's, hooking them together. 

“I worry about you,” Kima said. 

In repsonse Allura gripped Kima's hand tightly. It was smaller than her own, but much more powerful in its way. Her hands were calloused and firm, grounding and sure. It was hard to think of a time before Kima, a time when she hadn't had a friend… when she hadn't had something more. 

“Kima… I--” 

“I know, Allie.” Kima inched closer, her warmth seeping through Allura's gown. “I know.” 

Without thinking, Allura bent forward and rested her forehead against Kima's. “Will you stay tonight. Here. With me?” 

She could practically feel Kima's smile when she spoke. “Of course I will.” 

 

3.

Everything was so wrong. 

Allura could barely stand, weak and worn, every muscle in her body screaming with pain. They had succeeded, but at what cost? Just beyond her, Allura could see Drake tending the others, making peace for their final rest. Drake limped along, blood covering his face, but at least he was still standing. 

Kima was not. 

An ache she did not wish to name, welled inside Allura's chest. Heavy and thick, nearly choking. It was then she realized that she was crying, a steady stream of tears rolling down her cheeks. 

Even for a Halfling, Kima had always seemed larger than life. A mighty warrior who feared nothing, and could withstand anything. Now though, she lie crumpled on the ground, so frail that Allura could hardly recognize her. 

“Please, Kima,” she whispered, placing a hand on her chestplate. “Please wake up. You can't leave me now. You know how I feel.. you know that I lo-” she stopped herself from speaking the words. If she were to say it aloud, she would have Kima hear it. Would have her know, without a doubt. 

She waited for a long moment, willing Kima to open her eyes. It seemed ages passed before Drake made his way to their side, dribbling a bit of water into Kima's mouth. 

“She'll wake up,” he said, voice gruff. “She's too tough not to.” 

As if on cue, Allura watched as Kima's eyes fluttered and finally opened. She took in a gasping breath, face wincing in pain. 

“See, Allie,” she murmured. “It was just a dragon.” 

That brought the tears in earnest. The sobs wracking Allura's entire body as she cradled Kima's head in her lap. 

 

4.

 

“No.” Kima was resolute, standing with her feet braced apart as she squared off against Allura. “I'm not accepting it.”

“But think of what it means… a place on the council. Think of everything that can be done.” 

“I have, Allie.” Kima looked up at her with sad eyes. “This is not the place for me. We lost a lot, and I appreciate what they're offering. But I can't accept it.” 

“So you'll leave then? Just like that.” Allura felt the tears prick her eyes, and she took in a shuddering breath to banish them. 

“I'm not meant for this. It's politics and debates and things I'm not equipped for.” Kima stepped closer, remorse clearly written across her face. “We both want to help people, I can't do that here. You can. You can do much good, Allie.” 

“I don't want you to go, Kima. I lov-”

“Don't. Please don't say it, and make this harder. I know you do. You know I feel the same but please don't say it.” She reached out and took Allura's hand, pressed a kiss to her palm. “I'm sorry. But this is a life suited for you, not me.” 

She was right, of course she was. Their duties were important but that did not assuage the ache in Allura's heart though. She stooped forward, framed Kima's face with her hands. 

“Will you return to Vasselheim?” 

“I think so.” Kima lifted her hands, placed them over Allura's. “I'll miss you, you know.” 

“You'll stay in touch?” 

Kima rolled her eyes. “Of course I will.” 

Allura smiled, a little watery, and leaned forward, pressing her lips against Kima's. 

 

5.

 

There was nothing quite like the peace of her tower, Allura thought. Especially after a long day spent with bickering men, all trying to speak over one another. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she sank into her chair by her writing desk, and let out a breath. 

Things would never change, she supposed. Besides she had spent so many years building her tolerance for dealing with the Council of Tal'Dorei, why have that go to waste. 

Opening her eyes she found a letter on her desk, placed there by one of the servants most likely. The front bore her name, the writing as familiar as her own. With a delight much better suited to a younger woman, she tore it open, eyes scanning Kima's note. 

It held the usual pleasantries, or at least the few that Kima ever bothered with. The rest was blunt as Kima recounted some noteworthy events, and inquired after Allura's health and well-being. Before reaching the end of the note, Allura was already thinking of her reply, wishing they could speak in person rather than through a letter. 

Though she paused as she re-read the last part of Kima's letter. A pilgrimage, a chance to roam again, she wrote. If only that pilgrimage would bring her to Emon, Allura thought. Although, there was something about the idea of that set Allura on edge. If she could only name it. 

Shaking her head and frowning at her silliness, she set about writing a letter in return. When she was set to sign it, her quill hovered over the parchment. 

Allura longed to seal it with love, with her unyielding favor. Only she refrained, as she always did. The words left unspoken. As they always were. 

When she received word several weeks later that Kima had gone mission, Allura cursed herself a great fool for never speaking the words in her heart. 

 

1.

 

The house.. their house was quiet. A welcome respite when all the world seemed to be in upheaval. Kima had asked for private lodging, and Cassandra had been more than happy to let her claim a small cottage away from the castle. 

Allura had not thought to intrude when she first settled in Whitestone, but Kima had rolled her eyes while linking their hands, all but dragging Allura along with her. The cottage soon become a refuge for them both; Allura carving out a study, while Kima set aside a space to train. And despite everything, Allura found herself thinking of it more and more as home.

Now they lie together, huddled in bed. Kima wore one of Allura's shirts, soft and well worn, the neck gaping and exposing one shoulder. There were scars visible, some Allura had memorized long ago. Others were newer, marking her time in the Underdark. 

It gave Allura pause to think how close she had been to losing Kima. How close she was still. In the privacy of their bedroom it was so easy to forget what was upon them; to forget the future was still so uncertain. 

Though one thing was not uncertain. 

Reaching out, Allura brushed back the hair from Kima's face, eyes trailing over her features. Allura smiled when she was greeted by bleary eyes, and a confused moan. 

“I love you, you know?”

Kima took in a deep breath as she slowly came to wakefulness, and a small smile curved her lips. “I love you too.” 

Still fingering a lock of hair, Allura felt bold where she was usually reserved. “I have never, and will never, love another as I love you. Never forget that.” 

There was a rustling as Kima shoved herself up with one arm. She looked down at Allura, her face a mixture of several emotions. But before Allura could name them all, Kima leaned down and kissed Allura fiercely, letting her actions speak when her words failed. 

Time seemed to slow to a stop, the world and their worries melting away. For the moment nothing existed beyond their room, and nothing mattered except for the fact they loved each other.


End file.
